Wednesday, 19 August 2009


I spent 1/2 hour walking and 1/2 hour food shopping today.

Food today:
- blackberries, blueberries, grapes, strawberries and 2 plums for breakfast
- salad with chunks of brie, olives and vine tomatoes with a cheese roll
- 1 orange
- blackberry, raspberry, blueberry, grape and plum smoothie
- 1 green tea
- 1 cinammon and raisin bagel with a tiny bit of Philadelphia
- 1 cinammon and raisin bagel with margarine and pesto
- 1 cheese roll with a tiny bit of Philadelphia

I don't know if this is good or not, whether it is progress or not. I've eaten a lot of carbohydrates in the past couple of hours but I had fruit for breakfast and snacks and salad for lunch. I just ate over 1, 000 calories. Argh! I was doing so well and then I had to go and ruin it all with damn bread.

Still no gym.

I'm just so fed up. I don't want to do this anymore. I've had enough of being fat and enough of people treating me differently. I can't pretend that I don't get a bit thrilled every time someone checks me out in the street but I always think 2 things: 1) would they have done so before I lost 10kg? and 2) are they checking me out or are they laughing at me? Someone guessed me as being a year older than I actually am today - not a problem in and of itself, except she under-guessed everyone else. Is my fat making me look older?

I don't know if I can be bothered. Surely, trying really isn't working so well at the moment. What's the point? I should just give in and surround myself with tubs of Ben & Jerry's ice cream.

Okay, enough of the tears and the self pity. I'm going to bed.

Must try harder.

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