Saturday, 29 August 2009


Things have been going really well for me and I seem to be reaching one milestone after another - size 16, 199lb, measurement trousers fitting, plus I did 4 miles or 6.5km (!) on the treadmill yesterday - 30 minutes running and 4 minutes walking. I'm just petrifed that it's all going to go hideously wrong...

I'm at home again this weekend. From a weight loss point of view, it's not good for me to visit my parents at the moment. I love seeing them but I get overwhelmed by all the food that is lying around the house. Already today, I arrived two hours ago and I've had cheese (completely unnecessary - it was just before dinner) as well as dinner including crisps with my dinner (not eaten crisps in weeks). Argh! I'm never going to get to below 90kg by Tuesday (1st Sept) at this rate - and I have just about 0.5kg to go!

I need to be strong and not sabotage myself. If I can just hold out for a few more months, my eating patterns will be consolidated into healthy ones (fingers crossed), my exercise will become mainstream in my life and I will be able to ease up a bit because I'm not trying to lose a ridiculous amount of weight.

Positive thinking people, positive thinking!

Thursday, 27 August 2009

Another pair of (almost) fitting trousers

So, the gray formal trousers I bought almost two weeks ago now fit! I tried them on the same time last week (Thursday morning before work) and I couldn't do up the top button, the zip or the 4 clasps that run from the button to the zip.

Today I thought, 'Well, I know that I've lost weight recently (199lb baby!). Let me just see if there has been any improvement' completely expecting just the gaping hole at the top to be just a little bit closer. Stepped into them, pulled them up, and now, if I hold my breath and pull a little, the top button closes, the zip zips up and the clasps fit into the clasp fitting things. Yes, there's a bulge of flesh just above them but I can wear them as long as I wear a loose fitting top.

I can't wait until I can wear them with tight tops because there is no fat spilling over the top or even, (gasp!), until they're loose on me.


So important
- there's a reason why I'm now blogging every day even though I know that no one is reading apart from me; it keeps it in my mind
- photo of a bowl of fruit as my background on my phone
- always carry a gym bag with me to work even when I don't plan to go; just in case something happens and I have time for a quick workout and to remember to exercise
- reading my favourite blogs every day
- having a list of blogs on my phone that I can quickly access when I have a spare moment, when waiting for a friend, in the queue for the toilets...

With a Little Help From My Friends

Today ended up more or less allright in the end. No gym but that's okay; I don't need to go every day! I had my usual fruit for brekkie and salad for lunch. On Tuesday, I went to the supermarket and bought a big bowl of salad, some cheese, a box of olives and 4 bagels and yesterday and today, I've had the most scrumptious meal of mixed salad with cheese and olives with baby tomatoes and mange tout on the side and a toasted bagel. Yummy!

It was a colleague's leaving party today and I even managed to avoid the drinks and the cake in the afternoon - and there were even little brownie bites! I just kept reminding myself that I hit 199 yesterday (!), that I have a week to lose just over another pound to break past the 90kg barrier and really, eating brownie bites is not the way forward. I want to be 89kg much more than I want chocolate right now. Mind you, even though I know that I really want to lose weight more all the time, I've not always resisted by a long shot. There's a difference between vague aspirations of 'losing weight' and thinking right now the numbers on my machine matter more.

I fell down a little in the pub after work. My colleague's manager was running a tab for us and there's always so much pressure to drink in the pub after work. It's really a bane of British socialising that even when you really don't want a drink, you feel compelled to go ahead and order alcohol. Anyway, if I'd been at the bar by myself, I would have just had water or spiced tomato juice, but half my office was there and everyone was ordering gin and tonics or pints. I wish I'd held out (and to be fair, I almost always do) but tonight I ordered a gin and tonic. Never mind. Nothing lost. With my two glasses of red wine yesterday, that makes three alcoholic drinks this week. I have a self imposed limit of 4 so I have one drink left for the next 3 days. Totally achievable.

I left the pub early to meet some friends for dinner. We went to this Spanish restaurant and ordered tapas and paella. The tapas was good and we had just served up about 1/2 the paella when I notice a mouse running across the room in the corner. And another. Cue getting the waiter and manager over and proceeding to talk about the mice for the next 15 minutes. We might have been okay before but we definitely didn't feel like eating anything else after talking about and watching the mice for so long. We weren't charged for the meal and left just a tip for the waiter. I even resisted temptation at the dessert place we went to afterwards while my girls ordered wine and this gorgeous berry cake (yes I had some berries and the teeniest tiniest piece for taste). At home now I've had a few cashew nuts and raisins and I'm ready for bed.

I should thank the mice really. If it weren't for them, I would have eaten much more of the paella than the 4 tablespoons I got through before spotting them!

Tuesday, 25 August 2009

Balance Imbalance

I think the weighing machine at my gym has issues. It gives me a different reading every time I go on it and I never know which one to take. Do I take the highest? The lowest? For the last couple of times, I've ended up stepping on it five times and averaging out. With that in mind, and with a huge disclaimer that this a) may not be true and b) may not last, I'd like to announce (drumroll please) that...

I, according to readings taken two hours ago, was 90.5kg, 91.2kg, 88.9kg, 90.6kg and 90kg. This averages to 90.24kg with a mean of 90.5kg (see all that maths, does come in handy!). You know what that means, don't you boys and girls...?

90.5kg = 14.2513 stones or 14 st 3.5 lb= 199.518 lb

I'm probably a bit less than this actually as I always wear my trainers to weigh in. The way I see it, I don't care really about 1kg here or there, especially when the extra is always there. I just want to see the numbers going down!

I was focusing all my hopes on trying to get under 90kg by 1st September that this completely caught me unawares - and it's a big one! No longer do I weigh 200+ lb. I'm in the 100 zone now, with all the 'normal' people. Mind you, I'm still a way off being a 'normal' weight but this is amazing.

It's only now just sinking in but nevertheless, I was on a bit of a high afterwards. I'd been out for a drink with a friend who I'd not seen for a while. Two glasses of red wine later and a bit tipsy after drinking alcohol hours after lunch and eating nothing in the meantime, I caught the bus to the gym. Weighing in, cross trainer, treadmill. All was normal; better than normal really. I managed 35 mins on the cross trainer burning 500 calories. I then proceeded to go on the treadmill and after 2 mins walking at 6.5kmph, started running. I ran a minute at 10kmph, at 10.5kmph, at 11kmph and at 11.5kmph. I was then going to run 2 mins at 12kmph before going back down to 10kmph to give a grand total of 10 mins run before walking for a bit and then doing it again. The 8 min mark (after 2 mins at 12kmph) came. I thought, 'I can keep on running for one more minute.' I then kept on thinking this at each minute mark until I had run 10 mins at 12kmph! Now, that may seem a normal speed but for me, to run at 7.5mph is bloody fast. I can't believe I kept it up for so long. Not only that, but then I started running at 11.5kmph and 6 mins later, only stopped because I was told that it was time for the gym to start closing. I felt I could have gone on for another fair while.

Now, I wonder why I managed to do it. Was it because it was just a good night? The weight loss spurring me on? Or because I was a bit tipsy? It's a bit depressing if it was the last one. I don't particularly want to have to drink wine every time before I go on the treadmill! It's good though, even if it is. I now know what I'm able to do.

I feel amazing now - because of the breakthrough of the glass floor to onederland (yes, I had to mention type the word really, didn't I?) and the running. I even went for a 30 min walk at lunchtime (of course it started raining halfway through).

I'm so close to under 90kg that I can actually taste it.

Lots of gym. Lots of walking. Lots of fruit and veg. Lots of water. Healthy eating. Exercise. This time next week, I will be there.

Falling Asleep...

I had a 7pm meeting tonight, arrived home, talked briefly to my housemates about house matters (i.e. having to hassle our landlord to fix things), checked email and did some research that had just come up. I'm completely shattered and can't blog coherently:

  • Lots of fruit and vegetables today - for breakfast, lunch and snacks
  • The person who was hosting the meeting in the evening had ordered pizzas. I had two small slices plus lots of grapes
  • I was still hungry so I stopped off at a Turkish bakery that was still open and bought 2 pieces of potato and spinach filled bread - only finished about 2/3 though
  • I've just finished a Cadbury's fruit and nut chocolate bar - 240 calories of bliss..
  • Still within my calorie limit for the day (just)
  • I meant to eat a quick lunch and go for a walk but I ended up being so caught up in work that I didn't take a break until almost 3pm and really, at that time, who can really take a whole hour without completely taking the piss? It would be almost time to go home by the time I came back from my walk.
Time for bed. Sweet dreams!

Monday, 24 August 2009


Such a mammoth workout in the gym today. As I walked in, a Body Balance class was starting and I got talked into doing it by the gym receptionist. Bloody hell, it's hard. I know it's a mixture of yoga and tai chi and as such is supposed to be very zen but think I find that harder than I would find cycling for an hour. It just goes to show that pure cardio such as running on the treadmill doesn't address everything.

After Body Balance, I went on the cross trainer for 35 minutes. I then approached the treadmill with trepidation. It's been a month since I ran more than a few minutes and today was going to be the day. 5 mins walk was followed by 9 mins of running, building up from 10kmph to 12 kmph and then back down again. I then alternated 9 mins of running at 10kmph/ 10.5kmph with 2 mins of walking twice before doing a 3 min stint when I ran for 12 kmph. I ran for 30 mins today and although it was done with walking pauses, I feel so good for having done it. I even managed to do some weights before leaving the gym. The plan is now to shorten the gaps and increase the speed - it would be so nice to be able to run at 11kmph for 30 min flat.

Week #1

At the end of the first week of play, progress on the 7 things I wanted to do is as follows:

1. Walk for 1/2 an hour three times a week. Yes
2. Gym 4 times a week. No - If the week is Sun-Sat, I went once
3. Three alcoholic drinks a week max. Yes
4. 7 hours sleep a night. Yes
5. Fruit for breakfast and at least one salad. Yes
6. Unlimited fruit and vegetables. Easy yes
7. Blog every day. Yes

6/7. Very good.

Weight = 91.5kg (loss of 1.5 kg in 12 days and also 201.7 lb - tantalisingly close to 200lb)

Sunday, 23 August 2009

At Last... The Time in the Gym has Arrived (to the tune of Etta James's "At Last")

Today was such a wonderful day - fitness wise and also because I spent the whole day hanging out with some of my closest friends. Apart from a quick rush home to drop off my gym clothes and change my shoes, the whole day was spent with other people. Most excitingly of all, I finally went to the gym!

I had a lovely lie in this morning - spent a couple of hours falling in and out of sleep with the sunlight streaming in through the windows onto my bed. I got ready for the gym and had breakfast with my housemate. She had cereal and I had cherries, plums and raspberries run through the blender. Liquidising fruit is such an easy, lazy breakfast who find de-seeding cherries okay but actually chewing too much effort! ;-) We then both went to the gym together. Sadly, we didn't have as much time as I would have liked before we were to meet our friend after her yoga class but I really went for it on the crosstrainer, did some weights and even ran for 10 minutes - the first time I've been running in about a month. It was so good to sweat and really push my body. The 630 calories burned wasn't bad either!

I really need to arrange more gym sessions with my ladies. It really great to just smile across the room or meet in the changing rooms after class. After the gym, the three of us went for lunch together. We all really felt that we deserved the sandwich and salad that we ordered before strolling down the high street in search of birthday presents!

I've just come back from a friend's house. She has just moved in and had invited a few of us for drinks and dinner. The 4 of us who were there had such a great time. We were there from 5.30pm until 1am. I love just hanging out in my friend's houses or inviting them over and just talking for hours on end. The food was a lot of salad with a few Ritz crackers and M&S chocolate rolls - so mostly healthy. Plus I drank only 1 beer and 1 1/2 glasses of red wine.

Oh, and I was so tempted to wear my new trousers aka the only trousers in my wardrobe that actually fit, that I took them from the clothes rack where they were drying after I washed them this morning and wore them. I then realised wearing the same trousers 3 days in a row was ridiculous - especially when they were still wet. I then changed back into the dress that I had been wearing before. I think I need to buy some more trousers before I completely wear out the only pair I own that don't fall down to my ankles without a very tight belt.

Today = sleeping in the sunshine + gym (including running!) + walking around with friends + talking for hours + dancing around to songs from our teenage years + salad and chocolate = good day

Tomorrow I will go to the gym, eat healthily, shop for the week and watch Rome and Juliet at the Globe Theatre.

Saturday, 22 August 2009

The Joy Continues

Today wasn't as miraculous a day as yesterday but still pretty damn good. I woke up early and washed my hair, slipped on my new favourite combat trousers (yes, I had to wear them two days in a row), my new killer heels and a dress that is tight across the bust with a deep vee neck (under which I wore a strappy black top - I was going to work after all!) but then skims the rest of the body. It's like one of the dresses they wore in Pride and Prejudice days. Sadly no Mr. Darcy or Colin Firth crossed my path today but I definitely had fun striding around London and my office in my sexy outfit and sexier shoes.

I had blackberries, blueberries, raspberries, plums and strawberries for breakie, went for Thai food with colleagues for lunch and had an orange, a plum and some berries for a snack in the afternoon. I went out with friends from work in the evening - only one gin and tonic and 3 pieces of pitta bread with houmous/ guacamole - result! After I came home I had half a bowl of last night's pulao, yoghurt and chutney.

Plus, I had bought some chocolate biscuits (digestives, chocolate chip cookies and jaffa cakes if you must know) for a colleague's leaving party. For about 1/2 hour this afternoon, I passed around chocolate biscuits to everyone at work who had come to our floor. How many did I eat? None.

Healthy day I think. I now have the whole weekend stretching before (and not so late a night tonight that I can't make the utmost use of it!). A couple of my friends are going to the gym tomorrow - my plan is to do a full workout in the morning and then go with them for lunch.


So much for smugness. The minute I pressed publish on this post, I went to the fridge. I was just now so close to indulging in one of the Gu treats my friend brought over for us for dessert last night (that we never managed to get around to because we were so full with everything else). I had taken it out of the fridge, opened the lid and was dreaming of its chocolate and mascarpone tiramisu deliciousness when suddenly I thought, 'What if it's not as good as it should be to warrant savouring at 1.45am on a Friday night? I'll have wasted a precious 289 calories.'

So what did I do? I re-covered the top, put it back in the fridge and stepped away. I'm so proud of myself. It was such a close run thing that I still have the tiny spoon with which I was going to eat the damn thing next to me on the couch.

Shower and sleep - before I get into any more trouble.

Thursday, 20 August 2009

Food Glorious Food!

Three posts in one day - definitely a record for me as I'm doing pretty well if I manage 3 posts a fortnight. I took photos of every meal I ate today and felt I had to share. It started with the prettiness of my breakfast and just continued from there.

For breakfast I had two plums, some blackberries, some blueberries, some raspberries, 3 strawberries and a few pomegranate seeds sprinkled. You can see the plums in the bottom of the bowl, the blueberries, pomegranate, blackberries, raspberries and strawberries on top. Doesn't it look so nice, especially in the morning light? I absolutely love the mixture of colours and the taste is so yum as well. How can you not have a good day if it starts like that?

I had invited a friend over for dinner and one of the dishes I was planning on preparing was my grandmother's pomegranate and green gram salad. I spent last night cutting the vegetables for all the dishes I was planning on making with the idea I would take the salad stuff for lunch today. I teamed it with a couple of vine tomatoes and a few olives. It's the chillies in the salad that really gives it the kick. This was sooooo good! I was really full after I'd gotten through this.

I had a banana for a snack mid morning and a tiny piece of Brie on my way home in the afternoon. No pictures of them I'm afraid but I think you can quite easily imagine how a banana and a piece of Brie looks (and really it was the size of the the distance between the top of and the first joint of my thumb I promise!). I know I said I was full after lunch but after 40 minutes digesting my lunch, I was ready for something sweet. Enter the cherries. One of them went to my manager and the rest were for me. They were so lovely and sweet that I gobbled them up in about 10 minutes flat and didn't feel at all guilty afterwards. A mere 120 calories my friends, a mere 120 calories... Not bad I think to be able to keep hunger locked up until dinner.

Dinner was mammoth. I had a good friend who has lived around the corner for almost a year over for the first time. I'm not very confident about my cooking. Although it always turns out well, I'm always wary until it's been certified as good. I made tomato soup, pomegranate and green gram salad and pulao with yoghurt and tomato chutney. My housemate made a green salad as well. For the crowning glory, mango lassi. Oh, and I had half a glass of white wine. It was so amazing and filling and, best of all, so healthy. I wish I'd taken photos of the 'best lassi I've ever had' (my housemate) and my wonderful soup. I don't think the photo does my beautiful dinner justice at all - I'm not being big headed, I'm just amazed that I managed to cook really decent food!

My friend had brought over some amazing Gu dessert but we were so full that all 3 of us collapsed - the 2 of them were lying on our sofas and I laid down my other housemate's sleeping bag on the floor. We just lay there clutching our stomachs, drinking jasmine tea and talking for a good 40 minutes. No room for dessert at all. I now have Gu loveliness in my fridge. Don't worry, I'm out tomorrow night and I'll take it to a friend's house on Saturday for 'disposal' - i.e. anything that doesn't involve me eating 8 chocolate tarts in one go! I don't have a photo but please imagine chocolate and lemon tarts stacked up in the fridge - unopened. How great is that?

I have no idea why I ended up eating so healthily today (although the perfectionist in me is saying, 'hmmm... where was the protein?' Perfectionist, shhh!).

See what happens when I take the time to cook at home! ;-)

Every day should be like today.

More Reflections on Trousers

Today was such a wonderful day. I woke up and was able to wear size 16 trousers that properly fit for the first time in about 2 1/2 years. Do you know what my first reaction to this was? It was, 'I have to blog about this.' So I switched on my laptop, logged in and typed a few quick words before I went to work in the morning.

It put me in such a good mood for the rest of the day. I can't emphasise enough how lovely it was to wear trousers that fit properly instead of having to hitch them up constantly throughout the day even though there's a belt tightly wrapped that has gathers to get rid of the excess material. I think it's also good not to wear loose clothes - there's probably a sense of complacency about it all: 'Look how much weight I've lost' rather than 'I can't wait until these trousers are loose.' And I really can not wait until these trousers are loose so that I can remember how I felt on this day and know that I've made progress even from here.

Just now I tried on the gray formal pair that I bought on Saturday - in the same size but the top button doesn't even do up let alone the zip. I found out why. It's because it has a dropped waist so the 'waist' is really where my hips are. The place I carry most of my weight is my hips and then my lower stomach. So no wonder they don't fit yet. They're such good measurement trousers though - I can't wait until I can fit into them.
I was quite hoping that the reason was because they're accidentally mislabelled and are actually a size 14 though!


You know the combat trousers I bought last weekend i.e. 5 days ago which were just a bit too tight? They do up perfectly now. I don't know what I've been doing the past few days or, whether I didn't do them up properly on Saturday but I did have to hold my breath and do up the button.

It's been so long since I've worn a pair of trousers that fit (all mine are 1-2 sizes too big for me and keep on falling down) - I don't even need to cinch in all the excess material with a belt!

So, I guess I have made progress over the past couple of days, even though it seemed as if I didn't. I'm just too much of a damned perfectionist.

Wednesday, 19 August 2009


I spent 1/2 hour walking and 1/2 hour food shopping today.

Food today:
- blackberries, blueberries, grapes, strawberries and 2 plums for breakfast
- salad with chunks of brie, olives and vine tomatoes with a cheese roll
- 1 orange
- blackberry, raspberry, blueberry, grape and plum smoothie
- 1 green tea
- 1 cinammon and raisin bagel with a tiny bit of Philadelphia
- 1 cinammon and raisin bagel with margarine and pesto
- 1 cheese roll with a tiny bit of Philadelphia

I don't know if this is good or not, whether it is progress or not. I've eaten a lot of carbohydrates in the past couple of hours but I had fruit for breakfast and snacks and salad for lunch. I just ate over 1, 000 calories. Argh! I was doing so well and then I had to go and ruin it all with damn bread.

Still no gym.

I'm just so fed up. I don't want to do this anymore. I've had enough of being fat and enough of people treating me differently. I can't pretend that I don't get a bit thrilled every time someone checks me out in the street but I always think 2 things: 1) would they have done so before I lost 10kg? and 2) are they checking me out or are they laughing at me? Someone guessed me as being a year older than I actually am today - not a problem in and of itself, except she under-guessed everyone else. Is my fat making me look older?

I don't know if I can be bothered. Surely, trying really isn't working so well at the moment. What's the point? I should just give in and surround myself with tubs of Ben & Jerry's ice cream.

Okay, enough of the tears and the self pity. I'm going to bed.

Must try harder.

Tuesday, 18 August 2009

Treading Water

So, I've not been to the gym for about a week now, before which it was 3 weeks. The 3 weeks were because I was on a course that finished every night at 9.15pm - which meant I could only get to the gym after it closed. I was exhausted after the course ended but I have no such excuse for the past few days:

- Monday: I was on my way to the gym but ended up on a non stop train. By the time I had got off the train at the end, waited until the next train back, it was about 8pm. I could have gone to the gym but I was so fed up for having wasted an hour and so tired from a night of sleep interrupted by an idiot arguing with his girlfriend outside my window that I just wanted to go home, get to know my new housemate (moved in Sunday!) and just relax. On the plus side, I went food shopping at lunchtime and got absolutely delicious food - and also walked 1/2 hour to and from the supermarket.

- Tuesday: leaving drinks for a colleague who's leaving to go and work in Congo followed by dinner with friends (one of whom is also leaving London). I had a great night but no gym!

Tomorrow, I'm meeting a friend for coffee after work but I'm going to leave after an hour or so to make it in time for a good workout. I keep trying to tell myself that I don't need to run 5k or spend 45 mins sweating on the bike but I think it's just been so long since I was at the gym that any level of intense physical activity scares me a little.

I also ate
1 pear, a few grapes and a few raspberries with yoghurt
20g brie with 4 vine tomatoes
1 orange
1/4 of a brownie
a sliver of almond cake
steamed pumpkin
cooked aubergine
a chickpea dish with other vegetables
2 pieces of baklava
as well as
a handful of Doritos and a couple of spoonfuls of Nutella when I got home

Note the mistakes? Saying that, the brownie and almond cake were quite tiny and the baklava isn't too bad. Why, oh why, was I compelled to head for the Doritos and Nutella when I got home after having had dinner outside, I have no idea...

I am loving swishing around and striding purposefully in my new dresses and heels though.


I love, love, love fruit. Since my office got a smoothie maker a few months ago, I've been sneaking downstairs to blend together whatever fruit I have at hand and hey presto, in a few short seconds, I have liquid fruit. It's very good for mid afternoon peckishness - I tend to make 1 1/2 pints of fruit loveliness sometime between 4pm and 5pm. I find that keeps me going until hometime and when I actually get home.

I also have a blender at home - ideal when I'm not really so hungry but feel I should eat something. Today, I had blueberries, blackberries, pear and grapes in the afternoon and then blueberries and blackberries when I got home in the evening.

Mind you, I did eat about 100g of cheese in between but even with that, eating wise, it's been a good day. A pear with yoghurt and grapes for breakfast. A lovely Innocent Mexican Sweet Potato Chilli for lunch. Berry, pear and grape smoothie in the afternoon. Cheddar and Brie cheeses and olives as snacks. Another smoothie in the evening followed by aubergine and courgette couscous. Now it's time for bed. The plan is to hit the gym sometime tomorrow - I just need to get back in the zone...

Sunday, 16 August 2009

Weekend at home = weekend of trouble

So, this weekend did not go according to plan. I've realised something about myself - if something is in front of me/ easily accessible by me, I will eat it. The trick is to make sure I don't put temptation in my path. This is difficult to do if you're in someone else's kitchen. Saying that, I did stop myself about once in every three times. I guess that's progress...

Now, I'm sitting on the train on the way back home with a stomach that's aching. I've been snacking since lunch and so, although I've eaten quite a lot, I'm not full and still hungry for wholesome food.

Never mind. I'm returning to my territory now where I exercise absolute control over what is mine in the fridge at work and in the cupboards at home. I had a long chat with my grandmother today where she told me about the preparations for my cousin's wedding later on this year - getting ready for that is my motivation. Lunchtime tomorrow will be spent in shopping for fruit and vegetables. After work - I'll be hitting the gym, trying to run/ cycle the last few weeks away.

Calories consumed this weekend - about a gazillion
Fruit and vegetables eaten - salad (along with pizza) last night and some liquidised blueberries, strawberries and banana yesterday
Exercise done - does shopping count?

Saturday, 15 August 2009

Size 16

Today is a good day. I went shopping and bought bras, trousers, dresses and shoes - and for the first time in ages was pleased at the sizes at which I was buying my clothes.

In the shops today, I was flicking through the sales racks and my eyes were automatically drawn to the size 16s and size 18s (I think this is US sizes 12 and 14 but I'm not sure). I had to keep reminding myself to look one size down. I picked up a few likely selections and took them into the changing rooms. I so badly wanted them to be able to fit that I was actually a bit nervous.

The only issue about losing weight that bothers me is that it is going to necessitate my breasts shrinking. I love my breasts the way they are. I think the reason for this partly is that they're the only part of my body with which I'm completely happy. I love being able to wear tight, low-cutting (but stomach skimming!) tops. I suppose I hope that they'll draw the attention away from the rest of my body. My bras have been getting a little loose in the cup lately and although I'm thrilled at the weight I have been losing, it's a little sad to run my fingers around the insides of my bras and see that there's space there.
However, I found out today that I've only gone down one cup size - and in addition, I've also gone down a back size - whoppee! Instead of being a 36GG (and, to be honest, the 36 was tight and the only reason it wasn't 38 was that a 36 gave my breasts more much needed support), I'm now a 34G (I think 34 back size is US 90 back size). I'm ecstatic with the 34 and hey, a G cup is still pretty big. I'll take that!

I've always worn a size 14 (US size 10?) top. When I was 79kg, I would buy size 14 and when I was 100kg, I would buy size 14. They always fit - mostly because I don't wear shirts and as I have a big chest, it doesn't really matter if tops stretch a little over that area.
This was the first time I was trying on dresses in size 14 and yes, they were summery dresses made of a stretchy material but they fit!

The trousers were a different matter. Although all my 18s are too loose for me, I'm just a tad too big to fit comfortably in 16s. Nevertheless, I was determined to buy size 16 trousers today. I think it's better to have too tight trousers so you can remember that you need to lose weight rather than wearing trousers that are swimming and only stay on your body when you cinch them in with a belt. Seriously, I've been wearing jeans lately that if I wasn't wearing a belt would fall past my hips and end up around my knees! Not a good look.
I bought two pairs of trousers - a comfy drawstring pair and a formal gray pair. The drawstrings are just a bit tight but the gray trousers I can't even do up properly. Never mind, they are my new goal trousers - they're really only suitable for winter (not that the summer has been full of warmth and sunshine here). Fingers crossed they'll actually be a bit loose and comfortable once the weather gets cold enough to wear them!

No weight loss news connected with my new shoes - I've bought two pairs and I absolutely love them. Both of them are really different from the shoes I have know but I love the colours (one is a metallic dark blue and the other is black with gold studs) and the heels. I feel so tall in them but yet, they're both so comfortable.

I remember when I was in the pit of despair because I had to buy size 16 trousers. Now, I'm over the moon. I went shopping today and bought two size 14 (!) dresses and two size 16 trousers - the first time I've bought size 16 trousers for 4 years. I've never bought a size 14 dress in my life (mostly because back when I could do so, I didn't really wear dresses).

Happy days!

Friday, 14 August 2009

The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Weightloss (to be proved)

1) Walk for at least 1/2 an hour at least three times a week - make use of lunch hour

2) Go to the gym at least 4 days a week

3) Three alcoholic drinks maximum a week

4) 7 hours sleep (or more) every night

5) At least one meal of salad a day as well as fruit for breakfast

6) Unlimited fruit and vegetables

7) Blog every day

Let's see how that works for me...

Inactivity masking progress (both forwards and backwards)

This is the most irregular blog in the world. I only seem able to post a couple of times once every couple of months before yet another hiatus. Does anyone notice a pattern?

This losing weight thing is a complete nightmare. I returned from my month away in May to find that I had gained a couple of kg to take me back up to 95kg. I then did so well for weeks, got down to 91kg (9 pounds lost) and then a good friend whom I hadn't seen for a year came to stay and I had an intensive music workshop. Weeks of classes every day after work for 3 hours plus practice when I got home led to some very bad eating and non exercising habits. I went to the gym for the first time in about three weeks a few days ago - 92.9kg (4 pound gain). Argh! I'm so frustrated that I was thinking of giving up. I obviously cannot do this. I simply don't have the force of will required to force myself to run, bike and generally move about neither is the sensible part of my brain able to exercise any form of control over what I put into my mouth.

1) I'm trying to break habits that have built up over the past 15 years. I should not expect it to happen in a matter of months.
2) I am going in a generally downward direction. Every 1 kg lost is followed by half of it regained - I'm literally going two steps forward and one step back. I've lost 7-10 kg (15-22 pounds/ between 1-1 1/2 stone overall). For seven months, that's nothing but it's so much better than gaining over a stone.
3) I'm still eating relatively healthily - much better than I was this time last year without a doubt.
4) When I was in the zone, it was so good to be able to run miles at a time without stopping, to be able to push myself in the gym, to bike for 45 minutes, to run for the bus and be the quickest one and to be able to see my friends' faces when they saw me after a year away.
5) I'm still going for the wedding of my cousin-the-could-be model in a few months' time. We've always been compared with each other. I'm fat but clever. She's less good about passing exams but thin and beautiful and now, about to be married. I've not seen her for at least 3 years. I cannot look like this when we next meet.
6) I know I can get it back. I've been here before. This is not as bad as the end of May when I'd spent the whole month being completely sedentary but eating 3 big meals plus 2 cake/ biscuit breaks a day. Then, it was hard getting back into it. Now, my breakfasts have still been good. Lunch is okay 50% of the time. Dinner and snacks is less so but this is because I've had to grab anything possible.

It's all about priorities. For the past 4 weeks, I've been prioritising seeing friends whom I've not seen for a year. I've been prioritising singing. I have not been prioritising losing weight. I thought I could carry on my life in a way close to normal. I can't do it that way. I'm an all or nothing type of person - I either spend 3 hours in the gym after work every day or I do nothing. I can't do that anymore. I need to focus on what's important for me right now, recalibrate the part of my brain that deals with food and exercise so that when I reach my target weight I can ease up a little but not too much! If I spend weeks when all I do is work and gym, then I'm going to break, start fixating on food (because I'm doing nothing else that distracts me from it), go for weeks where there's no exercise and regain the lost weight. I need to find a way to exercise and also do other things by either not trying to go to the gym every day so I can find time for other things or by splitting my evenings between exercise and friends.

I'm on the train going home for the weekend. I will try my best to go to the gym my parents use, but if not, at least to go for a run on both Saturday and Sunday. I will not take complete advantage of delicious home cooked food to scoff as much as I can handle. The food will be there the next time I return. The food will be waiting for me. It's not my last chance. The food will not run out!

When I return, I shall be bringing back a week's worth of food with me - that's lunch. Breakfast will be fruit and dinner salad (but interesting ones). On Monday evening I shall go to the gym and buy food - lovely fruit, vegetables, tofu, paneer which I'll then use for breakfast, smoothies, cous cous salads, tofu salads, paneer salads.

Under 90kg before the end of August (3kg/ 6.38lb lost)? Back on the wagon it is.